Birth Mother Matters in Adoption #45: Love & Loss in Adopt Reunification Part 2

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption #45: Love & Loss in Adopt Reunification Part 2

I met my biological mother in 2007.  I spent about 6 months prior to our reunification; filing a court petition to open my closed adoption, to be able to retrieve my adoption records in the hopes of finding my biological mother.  During this process, I learned that there are always highs and lows; things you find out that you never knew.  

Upon receiving my original birth certificate, I learned that my biological mother had not named me; so I was listed as “Baby Girl Evans.”  Additionally, no birth father was named.  My birth mothers name was on the birth certificate but it still took me a few weeks to find her; I learned she has been married and divorced multiple times which meant her name kept changing.  Little did I know that she was living in the same neighborhood she lived in when she was pregnant with me; she wanted to make it easier for me to find her.  All along I was thinking; do we have the right person, what if…what if….? 

Emotions experienced included:

• Guilt
• Excitement
• Confusion
• Curiosity 
• Uncertainty
•  Shock
•  Denial

What I have learned:

• Its okay to do things in your own time.
• Don’t let others make you feel guilty; they haven’t walked your life journey (guy in airport condemned me for not telling my adoptive parents.)
• Learning your biological history doesn’t change the person you are, it only adds more layers
• Allow everyone to reach the acceptance stage in their own time
• Some months you may have more contact than others and that’s okay and that doesn’t mean you aren’t as close or that something is wrong