Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Season 2, 221: Holding a Marriage Together

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Season 2, 221: Holding a Marriage Together When an Adoption or Fertility Treatment Doesnt Work Out

Steps to Take to Preserve Your Marriage

Factors that have a negative impact on marital success, happiness and cohesion after the unsuccessful journey to become parents:

• Grieving the loss of their dreams and expectations of having children
• stillborn births and miscarriages 
• The blame game
• The relationship or spouse may be a reminder of childlessness.
• Tension / Anxiety / Stress / Depression / Social Isolation
• Insecurity of Fertility Issues
• One spouse wants to stop trying and the other spouse does not

1. Agree on a Plan to Parenthood
2. Keep your Plan to Parenthood between the two of you and agree not to consult family and friends on their thoughts or opinions.  
3. Understand that you and your spouse may not process grief or stress in the same manner
4. Give grace whether or not its deserved to your spouse
5. Agree to always communicate your feelings and emotions to each other without fear of judgement
6. Make mutual decisions- remove the blame factor
7. Go through the journey together, hear any news together.  
8. If one spouse starts to struggle, be the partner you would want your spouse to be if the situation was reversed. 
9. Don’t ever use the inability to bear biological children as a weapon in an argument
10. Remember that this journey is leading you both to parenthood.  Your path may be longer than your neighbor’s but that only means that you will have more adventures; maybe both good and bad.