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You might think it impertenent of me to bring this up. But I feel compelled and will explain myself fully and hope to your completest satisfaction. Where I am a freemason, like you, I experience the effects of masonry on people around me in varying degrees. And I will admit to you this is one of my secrets. I see unhappiness and it surprises me and doesn't surprise me at the same time. For the longest time I was sensing something wasn't in order, but could not find the words to explain it, to myself or anyone else. And then it came hit me as out of the blue. That expression was familiar but out of context. It was the look of a person who was the only one who had not been invited to the party. The party is masonry and it's been raging on for hundreds of years. Here you are, listening in on MasonicFX, more mature but somewhere in the recesses of your mind, still expectation the invitation. Your invite has arrived. You've simply been trying to accommodate with the rules of being a good mason. Nothing wrong with that, except masonry as you know, is discovery. Discovery of ideas and insights that are inspiring. If you want them, prove it. Show your enthusiasm is mature and real. You can't do that by holding back. Be yourself. Ask the questions out loud. Teach yourself patience by being patient. If you find yourself being self-conscious, start off in a smaller group and listen. And listen more. When you hear a presentation, ask the question. Why is it important (to me) and what difference does it make (to me)? No need to be snobbish. Walk in telling yourself you're there to learn. Look beyond the loud one. Look beyond the important one. Look for the one watching and listening, like you. A mason doesn't find aim in life. Purpose isn't a state of mind. It's discovery. Step by step. Will power, self-discipline, caring for yourself.